Hello friends, it’s been a while since I last wrote to you. First of all, I hope you are all doing well. Time goes by like the wind; so many changes in such a small space of time.
Spiritual Awakenings was due to celebrate its 5th birthday on the 1st of July, with the opening of the new premises to be shared with everyone, sittings being offered and allowing the spirit world to enchant us with their presence once again. I was excited with my new Centre and raring to go after my brief hiatus due to COVID. Unfortunately, the unseen word had other ideas; a completely different path to which I thought I was on. One that I have accepted with difficulty during the roller-coaster ride I endured. I experienced many different emotions and feelings during that period, which should have been a happy time. The experience made me see things in a different light, whilst pushing my own beliefs beyond the boundaries I once knew.
I would like to share with you what happened with my health and spiritual being recently which kept me from you for so long and stopped our anniversary celebrations.
On the 30th June, I attended hospital for a day procedure - nothing to worry about, as I had undergone it once before and I had no fear of it. Laughing and chatting to the nurses, and other medical staff, I trotted to the theatre room feeling upbeat - sensing spirit and my loved ones. I remember, whilst they were anaesthetising me, I asked for my spirit team to look after me, smiling at them whilst I was closing my eyes. For people who know me, they would tell you that I place trust in the unseen world over anything I am told. They have never let me down and I had no suspicion that anything drastic would happen. How wrong was I?
Whist in the recovery room, something went physically wrong and I ended up in ICU for a period of time before moving onto a Ward. At the point where Barnsley felt I need more care than they could provide, they moved me to Sheffield Hallam, where I stayed in L1 & L2. In all that time, I saw seven Consultants and Doctors, an army of Nurses and other medical professionals.
What happened? What went wrong? But the bigger question, why was I abandoned by the souls I placed trust in to look after me?
I wasn't thinking straight. Pumped full of drugs, I was unable to apply logic as I had never experienced anything like this before. I felt scared, hurt and let down by Spirit - questioning their existence. How could I place trust in them again? I cried myself to sleep on many nights whilst in the hospital and felt lonely and vulnerable. I couldn't see a way forward. I was cross with them. Why had they left me in this state, what did I do to create this environment? I felt deserted with no explanation.
Looking back now, I see what my spirit team were doing. Basically they were testing my faith in a situation that was out of my control, to see if I would come through having a deeper understanding of a world we seek to communicate with in many different ways, and to acknowledge their existence because back in October 2019, they told my close group that I would be placed in this position.
Even though everything I had known to understand about spirit, and my belief, was challenged I now recognise that it was their essence that carried me through those weeks because somehow in my darkest moments of weakness, mentally and physically, I was still able to be the link between earth and the unseen world. In fact, during my many horrendous episodes which were outside of my control, with eyes rolling back I was giving messages to the Nurses that were looking after me, often not knowing on many occasions what I was saying yet they were agreeing with the information I was relaying to them. How could this be at all possible? I was in no fit state emotionally and physically to remember what I was doing, yet somehow I was placing a smile, not only on their faces but on mine too. A sense of hope and faith started to open, giving peace to the very people who were nursing me better.
Towards the latter end of my hospital stay, I would sit in my chair and talk to the individual Nurses about the unseen world. I was not there to preach my own belief system on them, to mind-read or to be a charlatan (some were sceptics with a scientific mind), yet somehow we ended up with a mutual understanding.
I was not cross with Spirit any more. Seeing reason, I was eternally in debt with them - they didn't abandon me, they didn't fob me off leaving me to my own devices. They were by my side with every recovery step. Without judgment or annoyance they saw me grow spiritually and took me into their care. To this day I believe that without their divine intervention I would not be here to write this.
This experience has made me realise that although not everyone agrees or believes in the spirit world - they may dismiss every piece of evidence given to them and they have every the right in doing so - as we endeavour to explore our own beliefs and values, it should never be stripped by forcing one's view over another. I do believe, however, we can never take away the essence that is felt in our soul. It cannot be recreated by a machine, it cannot be bought in a supermarket and sometimes it cannot be explained but we know we have felt it. We are energy that can never be destroyed or lost. It will progress as we move towards new paths. It is the gift of mortality that allows us to experience the very essence we are afraid of, death. We cannot change our final destination but we can build on the journey by allowing our minds to accept different challenges, having hope and faith in our hearts.
Finally as COVID19 may have changed the way we interact as individuals and we a whole society, the love we have for our family, friends and others in spirit is much empathised by the very memories we hold of them.
I feel wholeheartedly grateful and hope that I will be able to support you individually and your families in giving you reassurance that the spirit world has not left us behind. Although we have personal responsibility to ensure we fulfil our lives with opportunities we still need confirmation that we are watched over and supported in our time of need.
I would like extend my deepest gratitude to family, friends and everyone who sent me healing during my darkest moments. Everyone on ICU UNIT, Ward 30, L1 and L2, for your laughter and tears, for your banter, understanding and care given to me. Helen, for managing the Spiritual Awakenings in my absence - you’re an Earth Angel. And finally Linda Pickup, I will never forget your show of care and experience during this period.